Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Drink & Walk will become, in part, Boire et Marcher, this Thursday, as we celebrate, among other things, the birthday of one
C├ęcile Dehesdin, international student par excellence. We will say, "A vos sante," numerous times, and some will shout "Royal" and others may shout "Sarkozy" and others will shout "Vive la France!" with tears dripping from their red eyes while some brave soul will undoubtedly order La Fin du Monde, from behind the bar, and for that brave man, the world may indeed end. Si il pleut -- no matter, we will be Drinking in the Rain. Si il fait du vent -- no matter, we will be Drinking in the Wind. Si il froid a l'exterieur -- no matter, we will be Drinking if it is Chilly outside. So, come on down and sing "Bonne Anniversaire" -- How old are you? -- You live in a zoo -- and otherwise join us for another round of the happy hours with the most. You can, of course, come on down, and correct my French!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

when the clock strikes 6:00

Ladies and Gents,

It is National American Buttock Awareness Week (NABAW), this week. *Not* National Ass Week (NAW), *not* National Orifice Week (NOW), *not* National E-u-freeze-stinky Week (NEW) -- those are other weeks. People are asked, during this period of introspection, to familiarize themselves with the curve of Buttock on a whippet, the underpanty, and allied salves and cremes. When the giant nor'easter washed away all those bridges a few days ago -- ? -- there was a lot of know-how that washed downstream, as well. I mean, who knows how to build another bridge? The nor'easter washed away our know how, folks, and it ain't coming back anytime soon. By now, you all are aware that bees are leaving their hives, and not returning. This is due to cell phone use disrupting their navigation systems, and is, instead, leaving them, disoriented, to beg for pollen in public parks. Flava Flav knows something of this disruption. While shooting a "love-making" scene for Flava of Love, he was beset upon, by an errant swarm of such bees, whilst that clock was banging around, madly, on his chest. "Boyeee!"

When the clock strikes 6:00, this Thursday, join us in Adams Morgan, at Angles, for another round of Drink & Walk, the happy hours that rewards bee-friendly activity -- stinging, buzzing, cross-pollenation -- with highfives, humorous barbs, and, from the bar, any of the various nectars (for a modest fee) you see on display. Think of The Yield, folks -- our apples, and tomatoes, and cucumber, and healthfoods, and citrus zest, and zest, and citrus, and extracts, and flax, and foodstuffs, and extreme oils all withering on the vine / stalk / fence / wall / pole / spare tire, as a result of extreme bee migration during National Buttock Awareness Week. So come on down and drink one for The Yield.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I seem to have forgotten my wallet.

Ladies and Gents,

What do immature wild animals, Murphy beds, and international erogenous zones have in common? Well, it just so happens that wild animals are becoming more and more immature. Stuff like: Deer, hanging out, in the woods, farting in each other's antlers, and blaming it on other species. It's ridiculous, but any more ridiculous than a bed that falls out of a cabinet? It's a cabinet, and then -- look out! -- here comes down, nearly upon you, legs and a mattress. There should be some standards governing that rude surprise, as there should be international treaties governing erogenous zones. We should urge our government, immediately, to enter into GLOBEZ, the GLOBal Erogenous Zones Protocol, a necessary treaty that establishes global erogenous zones ---- those of Eurasia, Oceania, and Gondwanaland, for instance. The U.S. would likely enter into NAGLOBEZ, or the North American GLOBEZ, which would emphasize, we are told, the left medial doughnut, the anterior cruciate giblet, and all things "bikini," "eenie meanie," and "tangerini."

Drink & Walk has long been a secret erogenous zone of sorts ---- where you can find good drinks and good cheer, starting at 6:00 p.m. this Thursday, April 12th, at the establishment known as Angles, in Adams Morgan. Join me, Rod Smith, Star Emeritus Mel (Melissa) Nichols, Brian Fitzpatrick, and Michelle Gonzalez for another round of the happy hours with the most immature wild animals. Yes, we have no Murphy beds, but we do know the joke that starts: There was a priest, a rabbi, and a Murphy bed. At 9:30, if critical mass exists, we will determine a secondary site, and migrate accordingly. We look forward to seeing you there!

------ Dan Gutstein

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

explore your carbohydrate needs

Ladies and Gents,

What is a doughnut and what is a doughnut not? Most people have a right medial doughnut and an anterior cruciate doughnut. If you do not have one or the other doughnuts, see your healthcare provider immediately. There is such a thing as a blue doughnut but that blue doughnut is not a sharpie marker. I mean, you can draw with your blue doughnut, but it will not be permanent. Most doughnuts do not know sorrow though I have seen many Cheshire doughnuts that, when half-eaten, have smiled, and then disappeared. A doughnut is not a jukebox, but there was this one doughnut, once, that sang the Polish national anthem and my eyes watered, even as I ate that doughnut, even as it wasn't the only doughnut, that day, that I ate. If you are George Stephanopoulos (aka Geo Steph), then your doughnut may come with a middle finger.

We encourage you, as you can see, to explore your carbohydrate needs before, during, and after Drink & Walk. Other options include empa-nya-das, falafels, and Jumbo Slice. Better yet: Go to Jumbo Slice and order doughnuts. Go to falafels and order venison. Go to empa-nya-das and order Ikea. I mean, I've gotten Wendy's at Taco Bell, and I've gotten Entenmann's at the bank. Whatever you choose, join me, Rod Smith, Star Emeritus Mel (Melissa) Nichols, Brian Fitzpatrick, and Lynne Burns for another edition of Drink & Walk, the happy hour with many "drunk food" options. And if you're lucky, you'll come across Geo Steph, "commentraitor," and your "eff finger" can go up. Do I speak from personal experience? Maybe so, maybe so.

We will be at Angles from 6:00 to 9:30, this Thursday, April 5th, and at 9:30, if critical mass exists, we will decide on a second site. We hope to see you there -- and even as cold weather is predicted, remember folks: A drink will "warm the cockles of your heart."