Wednesday, August 08, 2007

CHOP SUEY!!!


BRUCE LEE is The Bomb.


Ladies and Gents,

Let me set the scene. A reluctant girlfriend is arguing with her boyfriend outside an embassy a few blocks from my apartment building. He is sort of tugging on her arm and she is resisting, although she knows two things: (1) this dude is a tool; and (2) I'll probably go with him anyway. But the situation is not an assault or anything like that. Nevertheless, a middle aged man with a conservative haircut jumps ---- literally ---- out of nowhere, out of two big white doors, onto the sidewalk, into a martial arts fighting stance, with a major grimace on his face, and yells, in my opinion, "Chop suey!!!" I mean, did he say "Chop suey?" That's what I heard. "Chop suey!!!!"

The question really is ---- Are good samaritans intervening in tame domestic disputes by shouting their favorite food item? Do Poles jump out of doors shouting "Kielbasa!!!" Do Jews jump out of doors screaming "Noodle Ring!!!" Do Russians leap out of doors going "Borscht!!!" Do French shout "Crepes!!!" do English shout "Brown sauce!!!" do Japanese shout "Sushi!!!" when breaking up a lover's quarrel? What the hell ever happened to "Get your god damn hands off her!" Or: "Cut it out!" Or: "I'm calling the cops!" Only in America, with our collective waist lines bulging, do we distract such people with thoughts of food. I'd rather shout "Beer" or "Tanqueray and tonic" myself. Why not meet us ---- The Board of Directors ---- this week at Drink & Walk, at Angles, at 7:30 and shout [Your favorite drink] in a martial arts fighting stance? And we'll stop tugging on whomever we're tugging on.

4 Comments:

Blogger Blood And said...

If Bruce Lee jumps out of a door yelling "Chop Suey!" I suggest that you run. #1, He'll kick yr ass; #2, He's, like, dead. BA

12:43 PM

 
Blogger mark wallace said...

Bruce Lee is the least of our problems, what with the streets of the world jammed with Republicans threatening us with their favorite foods.

12:44 PM

 
Blogger mark wallace said...

"A man spends his whole life saying goodbye to other people. But how does he say goodbye to himself?"

Don DeLillo

11:37 AM

 
Blogger mark wallace said...

I guess for some of us, Drink & Walk has now become Work & Sleep. Been there, done that.

2:43 PM

 

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