Wednesday, May 30, 2007

beneath the baobab

Ladies and Gents,

Lions are losing the predator/prey battle more often than at any time in the history of nature. They are being beaten by buffalo, monitor lizards, crocodiles, extreme mongooses, and extreme ibises. What does this mean, in human terms? Simply, the lion is no longer in charge. There is, what I'd call, Animal Parity. On any given day, any given animal can defeat any given animal, on the plains. Unless that other animal controls the voting machine companies. Or, if you will, the lion is obese. A generation of new lions, unused to the hardships that their forebears endured, cannot tear themselves away from laying beneath the baobab, eating zebra chips, and playing Madden Jungle Devour 2007 ("It's in the game!" (grunt) (tm)). Thus, the other animals are hungrier for "It." And, Whoops There It Is, -- another lion thrown 20 feet into the air.

Drink & Walk, however, is still king of the happy hours. Join The Board of Directors ---- 6:00 p.m. this Thursday at Angles, for another round of the happy hours where the barfly always triumphs over the beer or drinkdrink or glass of wine. We, at Drink & Walk, have never seen the glass of wine, say, turn on the barfly and send him/her running. Of course, we've seen one or two instances of a tequila shot staring down a barfly and if that ---- a standoff! ---- happens to you, just alert one of us on The Board, and we'll drink that shot ourselves, or we ain't The Board of Directors.

Monday, May 21, 2007


The name of my lover was beer, so I wrote it in the sky.

Ladies and Gents,

I once saw a plane -- a skywriter! -- scribble across the heavens on a clear day, "Mary Me Marry." I guess it's pretty hard to keep track of your spelling when you're up a few thousand feet. Then it got windy, and the letters blew haywire, to the tune of "Rammy Re Arm" and "Yammer Marr" and "Mama Rearry." The pilot then typed out "ARRRR" and flew off; perhaps he had run out of other letters. But, I mean, somebody paid for that. And I'm guessing that Mary cut that somebody a break, or maybe not. Consider this: Everything was riding on that skywriter, and he didn't really know his ABC's. Meaning that some sucker had to chase another girl. I guess the moral (and the morale) of the story is -- Communicate clearly and simply.

That's easy enough at Drink & Walk, where "Beer" usually comes out "Beer" and "DrinkDrink" usually comes out "DrinkDrink." Join The Board of Directors for another edition of the Happy Hours with the simplest communiques, this Thursday at 6:00, starting at Angles, and then migrating elsewhere if critical mass develops throughout the evening. If you come early enough, you will witness the Drink & Walk skywriter attempting the new D&W song: "I drink a drink // and a skip a drink // and when I skip a drink // I drink a beer."

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

by unanimous vote

Ladies and Gents,

The Board of Directors has met, and has approved, by unanimous vote, the following drinking song: "I drink a drink // and I skip a drink // and when I skip a drink // I drink a beer." It was also approved by unanimous vote that nobody can steal this song. It is ours. If you steal it, we will get Mel's dog, Flash, to yawn, and release a mammoth honeybee that he swallowed last year. This Thursday, the Board of Directors will be taking up the following Issues: (1) Cantaloupe as metaphor; (2) Metaphor as aroma; (3) Aroma as structure; (4) Structure as healthfoods; (5) Healthfoods as cantaloupe; (6) Cantaloupe as a vehicle for change; (7) Melons.

Take up The Issues yourselves, this Thursday, at 6:00 p.m., by joining the Board of Directors, along with Fitz and the Gang, The Late Shift, and our fabulous bartender, Norm, for another round of Drink & Walk, the happy hours that features, on occasion, the Axe Bodywash Girls, the Bass Girls, and various local, national, and international human beings. "If it can drink a drink // and skip a drink // well, then, it's at Drink & Walk." (TM)