Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The problem with American politics, clearly, is that we don't have enough Vice Presidents. It seems clear to me, at least, that we should follow the excellent example that American corporations set, in the number of Vice Presidents that they employ. It's possible that, during the next presidential campaign cycle, we will see candidates with five or six dozen running mates. For example, Hillary Clinton could become the nominee and then choose 60 Vice President running mates. Al Gore, John Kerry, John Edwards Barack Obama, etc., could all be elected Vice President. We may see President Bush dispatch waves of Vice Presidents to trouble spots around the world. "The Prime Minister of Iraq," he might say, "has asked me to deploy an additional 15,000 Vice Presidents in the Baghdad area, and I've instructed them to pack their bags." The need for Vice Presidents may get so enormous, that we may, in fact, if push comes to shove, have to have a draft (of Vice Presidents). It may be that everyone will become a Vice President eventually: You, me, everyone.

Want a Vice President-free environment? Join me, Rod Smith, Steph Monte and Star Emeritus Mel (Melissa) Nichols this Thursday from 6:00 to 9:00, for a Drink -- but no walk -- at Angles in Adams Morgan. We will hold drinks aloft and debate the real meaning of the title. I mean, Vice President as in President of Vice? Now that's a job that *I'd* like to have.

Visit our blog for periodic updates: http://drinkandwalk.blogspot.com/ And we look forward to seeing you at Angles!


We will arrive at Angles around 6:00 p.m., where there is a sparse crowd at that hour, a dollar off all drinks, including a wide selection of beers and fancy drinks, a jukebox that features Joy Division and Louis Jordan and just about everything in-between, before, and after, and empty pool tables, if you want to shoot pool. Angles can be found precisely where Belmont runs into 18th Street, in Adams Morgan, a couple blocks north from the intersection of 18th and U, a couple blocks south from the intersection of 18th and Columbia, next to a Jumbo ("there's a fly on my") Slice, up a short staircase. Look for the sign "Angles" above the window or door. We will be in the front room.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Fake Attack!

Ladies and Gents,

I was at the dentist the other day, complaining about pain in my jaw. The dental hygienist asked me, "When do you feel this pain? And I said, "Well, of course, I feel it when I give The Fake Attack." She made a face. "What's The Fake Attack?" she asked. And so I did it -- opened my mouth wide and spread my arms out to my side, like a bird's wings. This startled her, and she blew air, from that little air blower, up her nose. "How frequently do you find yourself giving The Fake Attack?" she said. "I mean," she continued, "we call 'The Fake Attack' a 'regular checkup,' but that's us." And then I realized that Dentists and hygienists are not merely dentists and hygienists -- they deal with The Fake Attack all day long: patients, in chairs, going "Nnnnnnnn," with their mouths open in The Fake Attack. So, I would encourage you, my fellow Drinkers & Walkers, to get regular dental checkups, so that you can fine tune your own Fake Attack, and have it ready for general Fake Attack needs.

There will be many Fake Attacks this Thursday. Please join me, Rod Smith, Steph Monte, and Mel (Melissa) Nichols for the Drink & Walk Grand Re-Opening this Thursday evening, October 12th, starting at 6:00, when there will also be an unofficial celebration of my birthday, which happens to fall upon this week's Drink & Walk. I will be either drinking 38 shots or giving 38 Fake Attacks. Come on out and wish me a happy birthday. Among other things, we will be leading Drinkers & Walkers in Fake Attack home care: How to floss, brush, and brighten your own Fake Attack, for a lifetime of healthy Fake Attacks.