Ladies and Gents,
I was at the dentist the other day, complaining about pain in my jaw. The dental hygienist asked me, "When do you feel this pain? And I said, "Well, of course, I feel it when I give The Fake Attack." She made a face. "What's The Fake Attack?" she asked. And so I did it -- opened my mouth wide and spread my arms out to my side, like a bird's wings. This startled her, and she blew air, from that little air blower, up her nose. "How frequently do you find yourself giving The Fake Attack?" she said. "I mean," she continued, "we call 'The Fake Attack' a 'regular checkup,' but that's us." And then I realized that Dentists and hygienists are not merely dentists and hygienists -- they deal with The Fake Attack all day long: patients, in chairs, going "Nnnnnnnn," with their mouths open in The Fake Attack. So, I would encourage you, my fellow Drinkers & Walkers, to get regular dental checkups, so that you can fine tune your own Fake Attack, and have it ready for general Fake Attack needs.
There will be many Fake Attacks this Thursday. Please join me, Rod Smith, Steph Monte, and Mel (Melissa) Nichols for the Drink & Walk Grand Re-Opening this Thursday evening, October 12th, starting at 6:00, when there will also be an unofficial celebration of my birthday, which happens to fall upon this week's Drink & Walk. I will be either drinking 38 shots or giving 38 Fake Attacks. Come on out and wish me a happy birthday. Among other things, we will be leading Drinkers & Walkers in Fake Attack home care: How to floss, brush, and brighten your own Fake Attack, for a lifetime of healthy Fake Attacks.